Why you SHOULD Care What Others Think About You
I’m sure we’ve all been told at some time or another that we really shouldn’t care what others think of us. That we should be comfortable with ourselves and confident in our own uniqueness.
This is true to some extent.
We should know ourselves, love and accept ourselves and behave in ways that are aligned to what we want and what’s important to us.
But while this may be an unpopular view, we still need to consider what others think of us, how they perceive us. When it comes to your career and leadership, success is as dependent on how others perceive you as it is on your skills, abilities, results, and knowledge.
The Inter-Connected Life
We don’t live our lives in a vacuum.
We live interconnected and interdependent lives. We engage with other people every day. And, just as we make judgements about other people, they are judging us.
This may feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t make it less true.
As we go about our lives, operating in ways that are real for us, based on our perceived reality, so does everyone else we encounter. This could be your significant other, your family, people on the street, your team, your peers, your boss, or the checkout person at the grocery store.
Most of us cannot avoid the interconnectedness of life.
And most of us wouldn’t want to.
This is particularly relevant when it comes to your career. It is not possible to deliver the results you need to support your successful progression without working with others, regardless of your position. And this interdependency can work for you or against you.
The Unintended Impact
For some of the people we encounter, it might not matter too much what they think of us. That person in the traffic who thinks you cut them off? What are the chances that you’ll see them again? That you will need to engage with them? Probably slim.
But for those we engage with daily, the impact we have on them is important.
And we might not always be aware of the impact we have. Our behaviour is guided by our own beliefs, perceptions, and values. What we may not always be aware of is how our behaviour impacts others.
If you’re having a tough time working with someone, maybe check on how you’re coming across to them. Think about how they may be experiencing their interactions with you. What unintended impact could your behaviour be causing for them and what adjustments could you make to ensure that you achieve the outcome you want?
Good Intentions Are Not Enough
We often expect others to understand our intentions. And often we are wrong.
We may understand why we behave in a certain way — although I would argue that sometimes even we won’t really understand. But for most of us, our intentions are good and valid.
We want to get the work done
We want to make progress on that project
We want to deliver results
But because of the inter-connectedness of life, sometimes even the best intentions are not enough. This is because our intentions can be overshadowed by the unintended impact we have on others.
Understanding How We Are Perceived
Unless we interrogate how we are perceived by others we stand the risk of getting in the way of our own success.
Others’ perceptions of us shapes the reality they experience with us, so how others perceive you is real to them. And it matters what they think of you if what they think is not aligned to the outcome you are seeking.
It is important to understand what the people who are important to you think of you today and how they perceive your value.
From a personal perspective this is valuable to build and maintain the close relationships you want for your life.
From a career perspective this is valuable to ensure that you showcase the results and impact that enable you to achieve your goals.
And from a leadership perspective this is invaluable in ensuring that your leadership presence drives the required business results.
You can’t change what you don’t know. It may be uncomfortable to hear, feedback especially when that feedback highlights unintended outcomes, or your areas for growth. But given the human impact our actions have it is necessary to know how other perceive you to unlock your success, growth, and progression.
Managing the Optics and the Narrative
While understanding how others perceive us is a good first step, you also need to manage the narrative. We cannot control what others think, but we can influence their perception by behaving in ways that are consistent with what we want them to think about us.
This means that you must design the perception you want people to have of you. This will guide how you show up, how you engage and how you communicate and will influence your ability to build the right relationships around you.
This requires 3 things:
A clear vision of what you want
Acting consistently with how you want to be perceived
Ensuring that your actions have the intended impact
This is how you will stand out. This is how you showcase your unique strengths. And this is how you build the solid relationships you will need to move yourself into the spaces you want to occupy.
While I wholeheartedly agree that how you see yourself is important, and that it it’s important that you know and celebrate your own worth, it’s not enough. How others experience you is just as important to progress in life, leadership, and your career.
Managing your work and delivering results is a strong foundation. However equally important to the career advancement opportunities that you will be afforded is how others perceive you.
How will you manage perceptions?
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I work with professionals to re-imagine their success
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