The Unexpected Gift of Motherhood

We were promised that we could have it all. And I never questioned if I wanted it all. Before the birth of my twin girls, I assumed I would add the label “mother” to my repertoire, and shift back into my life after maternity leave.

I didn’t know about the unexpected gift of motherhood.

Nothing is the same for us after the birth of our children. And some of these changes I expected, like the changes to my body and hormones, the interrupted sleep. Some were not. Like the seismic shift in my identity.

Rethinking Value and Identity

As someone who was raised to work, earn a living and rely on myself, I put significant value in my ability to contribute economically to myself, my life and my dependents. It’s a narrative that drove me in my work. I had value based on the work I was doing, where I was working and how much I was earning. My career success was critical to feeling of being successful.

I’m ashamed to admit that in those years, I judged women who decided to stay at home with their kids. I judged women who left work to pick up and look after sick children. Because I had to be working to be “valuable”, I saw this as these women “de-valuing” themselves. I chafed against the unpaid labour and mental load even before I had children. I pushed my way into male-dominated spaces.

So I would never be “just a mother” and I’d keep working the way I’d always done; I had to if I was to preserve my value and my identity.

The Unexpected Gift of Motherhood

And then I stumbled into the unexpected gift of motherhood.

This is secret that no-one tells you; no-one talks about it, or if they do, it’s in quiet whispers.

We talk loudly about the time struggles, the logistics and balancing everything. Sometimes I think we talk as if mothers are “broken” and need better time management or prioritisation skills. After all you chose to be a mother, right?

But we don’t talk about the unique opportunity we have in front of us. I didn’t. And it’s taken me a while to appreciate motherhood for what it is.

Not a label but a transition.

Not a job but a relationship.

Not a passive activity but an active choice.

Why do I say this?

Motherhood is a process of significant, long-lasting and dynamic change. We’re faced with changes in every sphere of our lives (for more on this see my articles on the maternal brain and matrescence).

It’s a time much like adolescence where we navigate change and start to grow into our identities. It’s a time to decide who we want to be and what we want our place in the world to look like. That we’re doing this while completely sleep deprived, stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted in the early days of motherhood is testament to our strength.

This is then the opportunity to decide what I really want in the face of societal and assumed expectations. A time to challenge my assumed beliefs about who I am and to define this for myself with my own knowledge, insight, skills, and priorities.

What I didn’t know then, is that rather than devaluing themselves, these women who I’d judged years before, were embarking on a unique experience that would give them an unfair and unequal opportunity. They were embracing the largest personal development transformation opportunity aimed at one group of people - mothers. And we know how big the personal development industry is, we see it every day; it seems like everyone is looking for the secret to a well lived life, to fulfilment, to joy.

I almost missed out on the biggest chance I had to embrace the change in my life.

And I want to make sure that you’re not missing this golden opportunity granted by the gift of motherhood.

Crafting Your Life: A Unique Opportunity

With motherhood comes the unequal opportunity to wipe the slate clean. To intentionally craft the life you want. To commit to something bigger than you. To drive your dreams to the stratosphere. To push yourself to the limits. The embrace your shortcomings. To build the fortress of your strengths. All with intrinsic motivation and momentum.

It’s a time to craft your beliefs, feelings, perceptions and priorities and align yourself towards what you want.

Motherhood gives us the gift of knowing who we are at our core.

And the biggest gifts you can give yourself in this process are the gifts of self-compassion, time, presence and grace.

Knowing that you’re in a time of change and transition, you need to gentle with yourself. You need to reject the rush to “do it all” all the time. You need to sit with yourself and rediscover yourself in this new place.

Know that you’re learning about who you are and be patient when you make mistakes and take missteps. As you redefine what “success” means to you and for your life, observe your strengths, your passions and your priorities. And finally, hold that definition lightly to provide for the flexibility you’ll need as seasons, phases and stages wash over you.

Leveraging Motherhood for Success

This process – this becoming a mother – will also be the source of your personal and professional success.

If you do decide to grow in your career, you’ll be streets ahead of the people around you. You’ll have the talents and skills honed through this process that will make you a formidable force. You’ll have increased mental acuity, problem solving, resilience, and listening skills. You’ll have a new perspective on life and work and you’ll lead from a place of self-awareness, empathy and insight.

Will all of this make for plain sailing in motherhood, especially as a working mother? Nope.

Will knowing this change the structural challenges and biases that we face as working mothers? Again, no.

What is does do is give us agency over what is happening to us, for us and around us. It gives us a yardstick to measure the world against. One that fills us up, empowers us to make the right choices for us, even when they’re hard choices.

In a world where we face so much pressure in the tug-of-war of being a working mother, I wanted to remind you that motherhood is not a career set-back. It’s the catalyst for growth, resilience and new opportunities.

How are you using the Motherhood Advantage to your advantage?

#MotherhoodAdvantage #PersonalGrowth #ParenthoodJourney #RedefiningSuccess #WorkingMothers #BalancingBrilliance