Why “Bouncing Back” Is Not An Option For Working Mothers
The Working Mom's Journey: Redefining Motherhood, Reshaping Society
I fell into the ultimate working mother trap before – and after – my twins were born. I thought I needed to be bouncing back and was frustrated when I struggled to do just that.
Until I discovered that I wasn’t supposed to be “bouncing back” at all.
And I’ve caught myself feeling that this was the case. Angry with myself for not knowing more. And angry with the society we live in that has historically placed so little importance and value on motherhood. For me this is highlighted by the limited research available into what happens when a woman becomes a mother.
There is a plethora of research about parenting, and the act of mothering which provides tomes of data points for us to measure ourselves to and compare ourselves with. These usually leave us feeling like we’re utterly failing at motherhood.
And then there’s the standard career advice that supports the worker harder, be busy, never-stop-moving hustle culture of the modern world. None of which is helpful for working mothers.
Because there was so much I didn’t know before I became a working mother, I thought I’d share what I’ve learned on my journey.
Maybe we can unravel together why it’s so hard to be a mother, and a working mother, and how we can handle this. Maybe if we better understand what’s happening to us and around us, we can build a new path forward for ourselves that doesn’t result in perpetual exhaustion, overwhelm, frustration, anger, and burnout.
I’d like to look at what we do know about what happens to the woman when she becomes a mother. And why “bouncing back” is not an option for working mothers.
Motherhood is a Neurodevelopmental Stage
Motherhood not only about the birth of a child. It’s about the birth of a mother – someone who is completely new. And it’s not something you bounce back from.
It’s a journey of profound transformation, marked by a myriad of neurological and cognitive changes that shape a woman's experience from pregnancy through early motherhood. Let’s explore how the brain adapts, evolves, and thrives during this remarkable phase of life.
The Neurological Symphony of Matrescence*: How the Brain Changes
This is the first clue that we cannot be the same after we’ve had our children. That we’re growing into a new evolution of ourselves.
Some of these I knew about, but some were new for me.
Here are the highlights of what happens:
1. Hormonal Fluctuations: Pregnancy triggers a cascade of hormonal changes, including increased levels of oestrogen and progesterone, which play a crucial role in preparing the body and brain for motherhood. These hormones influence neural circuits involved in emotion regulation, social bonding, and caregiving behaviours.
2. Neuroplasticity**: The brain exhibits remarkable neuroplasticity during matrescence, rewiring neural connections to support maternal instincts, heightened empathy, and enhanced cognitive abilities. Areas like the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and hippocampus undergo structural and functional changes to meet the demands of motherhood.
3. Emotional Regulation: The limbic system, responsible for processing emotions, undergoes adaptations to enhance emotional regulation and empathy. Mothers often experience heightened sensitivity to their child's needs, driven by neurobiological changes that prioritise caregiving behaviours.
And while this cover the short-term, there are also long-term changes to the maternal brain.
Cognitive Marvels of Motherhood: Enhancing Mental Acuity
Here are more clues to why we struggle to combine our pre- and post-birth identities.
There is research that shows the long-term impactsof these brain changes on how we operate and process information.
And *spoiler alert* these make us better at the work we do!
These include:
1. Memory Adaptations: While pregnancy and early motherhood may initially challenge cognitive functions such as memory due to hormonal fluctuations and sleep disruptions, mothers often develop enhanced memory skills, particularly in areas related to child-rearing tasks, scheduling, and multitasking. These also inevitably extend into the professional world.
2. Executive Functioning: The demands of managing a household, caring for a child, and balancing multiple responsibilities foster the development of robust executive functions. Mothers exhibit improved abilities in task prioritisation, problem-solving, time management, and decision-making. All highly relevant abilities to support work.
3. Empathy and Social Cognition: Matrescence nurtures empathy and social cognition, as mothers become attuned to their child's emotional cues, nonverbal communication, and social interactions. This heightened social awareness extends beyond the mother-child bond to encompass broader social contexts. This can make mothers better leaders in the workplace.
This means that we’re not the same as we were before we gave birth, and we’re not supposed to be! And these give us invaluable skills in the workforce.
Embracing Matrescence: A New Narrative for Working Mothers
With this neurological insight into matrescence and the profound changes it brings to our brains and lives, it's time to talk about the idea of "bouncing back" after childbirth. This idea suggests that women should effortlessly return to their pre-pregnancy selves, seamlessly merging motherhood with their professional lives.
However, as I’ve discovered, matrescence is not about bouncing back; it's about moving forward into a new, empowered version of ourselves.
Why "Bouncing Back" Is Not an Option
The pressure to bounce back implies that motherhood is a temporary detour from our "real" lives, rather than a transformative journey that shapes our identities, strengths, and capacities. It disregards the neurological and cognitive enhancements that motherhood brings, dismissing the value of empathy, resilience, and multitasking skills honed through caregiving.
Valuing the Transition into Motherhood
It's time to value the transition and process of becoming a mother much more than we do now.
Matrescence is a significant life event, much like other major developmental stages, such as adolescence or entering the workforce. Just as we celebrate milestones like graduations and promotions, we should honour and recognise the profound transition into motherhood.
Instead of aspiring to bounce back, let's embrace and value the evolution that comes with matrescence.
Let's acknowledge the unique contributions that mothers bring to the workforce.
Remember, We're Growing, Not Bouncing Back
Matrescence is not just a biological process; it’s a profound journey of personal growth, emotional richness, and cognitive empowerment. By acknowledging and understanding the neurological and cognitive changes that accompany motherhood, we can navigate this transformative phase with resilience, grace, and a deep sense of fulfilment.
Embracing matrescence means embracing the inherent strength, wisdom, and love that define the essence of motherhood.
Motherhood is not a setback; it's a catalyst for growth, resilience, and new possibilities. Let's celebrate the journey of matrescence, embrace our evolving identities, and champion a future where working mothers thrive, not just survive.
Are you ready to embrace matrescence and rewrite the narrative for working mothers? Join us in shaping a world where every mother's journey is honoured, supported, and empowered.
Let's grow together.
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*Matrescence: the psychological and emotional transition a woman undergoes when she becomes a mother, encompassing the complex changes in identity, roles, and responsibilities that accompany motherhood.
**Neuroplasticity: The brain's capacity to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections and adjusting existing ones in response to learning, experiences, or changes in the environment
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Join the Movement for Maternal Empowerment
I invite you to join the movement for maternal empowerment. Share your experiences, insights, and challenges as a working mother. Advocate for workplace environments that value and accommodate the diverse needs of parents. Together, we can redefine success, prioritize holistic well-being, and create a more inclusive and supportive world for mothers everywhere.
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References
Nehls, S., Losse, E., Enzensberger, C., Frodl, T., & Chechko, N. (2024). Time-sensitive changes in the maternal brain and their influence on mother-child attachment. Translational Psychiatry, 14(84). Retrieved from https://www.nature.com/articles/s41398-024-02805-2?fromPaywallRec=true#citeas
Orchard, E. R., Rutherford, H. J. V., Holmes, A. J., & Jamadar, S. D. (March 2023). Matrescence: Lifetime Impact of Motherhood on Cognition and the Brain. Trends In Cognitive Sciences, Volume 26, Issue 3, p302-216. Retrieved from https://www.cell.com/trends/cognitive-sciences/fulltext/S1364-6613(22)00302-3?_returnURL=https%3A%2F%2Flinkinghub.elsevier.com%2Fretrieve%2Fpii%2FS1364661322003023%3Fshowall%3Dtrue
Taylor-Kabbaz, A. (2019). Mama Rising: Discovering the New You Through Motherhood. Hay House.
